After years of struggling to be recognized as a valid subspecialty of medicine, the Women’s Health Initiative has announced that Dr. Robert McGowan will take over the management of feminine healthcare nationwide. Linda O’Connor, a physician specializing in women’s health, stated, “This is good news for women everywhere.” After much discussion over who to put in charge of the Initiative, the Board of Directors finally landed on McGowan. Stated one member, “Simply put, we needed someone who is right most of the time.”
No one is more excited about the news than Dr. McGowan himself. He said, “It’s about time they put me in charge. No one really knows what women need more than a man such as myself.” Dr. McGowan is board certified in both internal medicine as well as obstetrics and gynecology. His first order of business is to change the way that medical students and residents are taught about women’s health. He says that he hopes to have the American Board of Internal Medicine recognize women’s health as a subspecialty sometime this afternoon.
As part of his tenure he hopes to secure reproductive rights for all women, increase the accessibility of mammograms and Pap smears, and to portray female doctors on television as something more than drama queens who are constantly caught in love triangles. “Women everywhere need to know that their doctor isn’t going to be like Meredith Gray.” He also plans to tackle diseases that are common to women-most notably, the wondering uterus and fibromyalgia.
When asked to comment on their decision to put a man in charge of the Women’s Health Initiative, O’Connor stated, “We look at the amount of time needed for this project and realize that this is a man’s job.” She provided the following two graphs as evidence.
In the past the leadership role in the WHI was a shared, co-presidency. McGowan will take on both positions. “We were tired of hiring two women to fill the job that could be performed by one man,” explained one board member.
Dr. McGowan is also a fervent Christian. He states that religion should play a larger role in the Women’s Health Initiative. “We need to turn to the Man upstairs to help us out in our time of need,” he elaborated. Many are thinking that McGowan just might be the best man for the job.
Said O’Connor, “Women everywhere need to bow down to this man of character.”
Thanks to The Onion for inspiration.