Before you can start classes, you need to understand that not everyone who enters medical school can be as cool as me. You’re going to run into a lot of a-holes, archetypes whose personalities are so extreme that you’d think that they are fictional characters from the latest Frank Miller novel. Here, I present a summary of the type of people you’ll encounter.
Assistant Dean = although he’s a student, he feels the need to direct student behavior, advocate particular punishments, and pre-emptively answer questions posed by students to faculty. If you’re in a PBL school, he will lead the discussion of the day’s topic, while a timid physician sits by. He could also be called the Policeman.
Laundry Day = this student will show up to class so horribly dressed that you will think he ran out of clothes and is doing laundry. He will then show up in a ratty T-shirt, sweat pants, and flip flops every day for the rest of the semester. He will typically shave only once a week for added effect. Then, on patient-encounter days, he will come in Armani and Gucci.
My Big Fat Greek Classmate = based on the father in My Big Fat Greek Wedding, this person will remind you regularly about the history of his grandparents’ culture. Mind you, he’s never actually been to the homeland, but he will gladly tell you about the unique cuisine, non-orthodox forms of Christianity, and the language that isn’t spoken by anyone else in the world—not even in Greece.
I’m Old Enough to be Your Father = the one non-traditional who really is old enough to have fathered a few of the younger students. This person will bring his children to school functions in attempt to introduce them to new friends. With all of his years of experience, he could easily qualify as the wisest person you know. Away from his family, he will be the most immature person in class.
Surgio = this person has such a one-track mind when thinking about career choices, he will quickly give up all other opportunities. He will show up to class in scrubs, even though he’s an M1 and not taking anatomy. At social gatherings, he will sit in the corner and practice tying surgical knots.
Once a Sorority Girl, Always a Sorority Girl = showing up to orientation with bleach-blonde hair, not much time is required for her roots to start appearing. She’ll use everyday as a reminder of when she used to go out as an undergrad—and then her true colors will start to appear. If you’ve ever seen Mean Girls, she’s all three of the Plastics.