Posts from around the country: Alabama

March 10, 2009 at 9:50 am (1st and 2nd year)

I’m spending a month traveling across the country in search of guest authors from different medical schools. This week I ran into Jeff from Alabama. He is a first-year medical student who just finished his anatomy class. He has this to say about the experience:

I can’t believe that we just got done with anatomy. Things are all disgusting and nasty as shit in there. From the very first day I knew that we were going to have a tough time. When we got our cadaver, I saw he had an Ozzy Osbourne tattoo on his upper arm, making me wonder what my Paw Paw was doing as a dissection body. But then we dissected the vagina and I knew it couldn’t be him.

If you’ve never seen a dead body, it looks a lot like a deer when you run it over with a pickup truck. But when you cut it open, it looks like chicken. I guess that would explain why am always so hungry at the end of each lab.

I try to be very respectful of the bodies. I always unwrap them carefully before taking out their innards. I heard that some people like to have sex with corpses. That shit’s just plain nasty. Now I’ve had some regretful encounters in my life, but that’s just crossing the line.

The girls in my class have been particularly scared of these cadavers. I got paired up with two ladies who don’t want anything to do with sawing the face in half. I said, “git,” but they just wouldn’t budge. I guess that women just shouldn’t be doctors. Shoot, I just went right to work and manage to get that skull right open. COPS comes on at 7:00 and I needed to get home.

I guess there’s a lot to learn in this class. I never knew that there was both a small and large intestine. That must be why my aunt Geraldine is so fat. She says that she’s big boned, but I think it’s because she has too many intestines.

So I’ll keep working on the dead bodies and one day I’ll be able to cut on the live ones.

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6 Comments

  1. DUCoM said,

    Is this for real?

  2. USACOM said,

    I hope not! I am a student at South Alabama in Mobile and we are a bit classier than that here! Also we have no one in our class named Jeff. I cant speak for UAB though …

  3. Clinton said,

    Hehe. Funny nonetheless.

  4. Joseph Kim, MD, MPH said,

    I remember those horrid days in the gross lab. Sometimes you walk out of there thinking of all sorts of crazy things. I also remember being in the lab at night, alone, studying for a final. When one of the cadavers started speaking to me, I knew I had to retire for the night.

  5. brucecanbeatyou said,

    Favorite phrase in this piece – “regretful encounters,” haha!

  6. Elaine said,

    Birds of a feather…will post misogynistic crap about women colleagues. I think his sample size is a little small for stupid generalizations.

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