Man to take over Women’s Health Initiative

January 4, 2008 at 7:31 pm (Uncategorized)

After years of struggling to be recognized as a valid subspecialty of medicine, the Women’s Health Initiative has announced that Dr. Robert McGowan will take over the management of feminine healthcare nationwide. Linda O’Connor, a physician specializing in women’s health, stated, “This is good news for women everywhere.” After much discussion over who to put in charge of the Initiative, the Board of Directors finally landed on McGowan. Stated one member, “Simply put, we needed someone who is right most of the time.”

No one is more excited about the news than Dr. McGowan himself. He said, “It’s about time they put me in charge. No one really knows what women need more than a man such as myself.” Dr. McGowan is board certified in both internal medicine as well as obstetrics and gynecology. His first order of business is to change the way that medical students and residents are taught about women’s health. He says that he hopes to have the American Board of Internal Medicine recognize women’s health as a subspecialty sometime this afternoon.

As part of his tenure he hopes to secure reproductive rights for all women, increase the accessibility of mammograms and Pap smears, and to portray female doctors on television as something more than drama queens who are constantly caught in love triangles. “Women everywhere need to know that their doctor isn’t going to be like Meredith Gray.” He also plans to tackle diseases that are common to women-most notably, the wondering uterus and fibromyalgia.

When asked to comment on their decision to put a man in charge of the Women’s Health Initiative, O’Connor stated, “We look at the amount of time needed for this project and realize that this is a man’s job.” She provided the following two graphs as evidence.

Typical day for a woman

Typical day for a man

In the past the leadership role in the WHI was a shared, co-presidency. McGowan will take on both positions. “We were tired of hiring two women to fill the job that could be performed by one man,” explained one board member.

Dr. McGowan is also a fervent Christian. He states that religion should play a larger role in the Women’s Health Initiative. “We need to turn to the Man upstairs to help us out in our time of need,” he elaborated. Many are thinking that McGowan just might be the best man for the job.

Said O’Connor, “Women everywhere need to bow down to this man of character.”

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Thanks to The Onion for inspiration.

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5 Comments

  1. Anon said,

    I knew I could smell an Onion! I prefer male doctors for female health care. They never assume anything and ask lots of questions. Women are like, “Well you and I are the same size and I have seven pound babies. . .” (I still have 10 pounders. Surprise-surprise.) On your graphs– on what men do, you have it backwards.

  2. Lisa said,

    I do prefer a man OB, but I think that no one knows a womans body better then a woman. I for one bust my butt all day at work and my job does not end at 5 like a typical mans job would!! I have two children and caring for them is a full time job on its own. I have literally no time to make superfical compliments, or any of the crap that is listed above!! I think that a woman works harder then a man bar none!!! (And yes you do have the mens chart backwards)

  3. Samantha said,

    Dr. O’Connor, I provided my e-mail address, would you please sent me information you used to create such a bogus pie graph.

    There is no way the information gathered here portrays the average woman. Take this for example. There are 24 hours in the days. At least 8 of those are spent at work, if the women is lucky enough to have a normal 9-5 job. That leaves 16 hours left. lets subtract 6 for sleep, now we have 10, that gives us 1 hour of driving around from home to work to home again 9 left, then to run errands, give that 2 hours, who else is going to buy food, now we are at 7. . then we get to cook dinner and do dishes minus 1 hours 6left. clean the house, pay the bills and if she has children, help them with their homework and put them to bed lets give that at least 3 hours. that gives us 4hours left. so with the kids to bed, how are we going to have time to go clubbing every night? and why would we dream of having more babies? women support eachother but i wouldnt confuse that with superficial compliments. and we are so busy reading the front page of the newspaper who has time to spend that much time reading horoscopes and only really irresponsible women shop with money they dont have, i wouldn’t say that average woman even does that. and with what ever time we have left over i can guarantee you that we dont spend our free time thinking about our weight or crying for practically 1/7 of the day. we watch tv, go for a walk, spend time with friends and family. Then get ready for bed and start it all over again. Maybe we cry once a week on a really bad day. sounds like the people you studied have too much free time, no job and are depressed.

    Half M.D.: You’re joking, right? Did you really think that this article was real???

  4. Jo said,

    I love the whole article! both charts are great. judging from the comments, looks like you have gotten the first chart right by leaving “laughing at random jokes and not get offended” out. however, shouldn’t the two areas in the second chart overlap? you can increase efficiency and productivity by doing both at the same time…

  5. molly said,

    u r a sexest basterd

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